Dear Mary Jane
by Catalyna
Summary: Carter tries to tell Mary Jane how he feels and why. Based on a quick challenge: take an episode and have a Hero write home about it. He remembers the censors on both sides and he tries to re-phrase the whole adventure enough to pass inspection.


_Dear Mary Jane, _

_I received your letter. _

The pencil stopped. Carter looked at the words and frowned. Now what?

"Tell her I was hurt? I was going to escape and go to her?" Carter asked himself. "Tell her it's okay now because I've got a new girlfriend? I'm a prisoner in a prison camp, how could that happen, she'd ask! She? Forget about Mary Jane, what would the censors think?"

Carter carefully folded the paper in half and then put both the pencil and paper in a box on the rough, handmade shelf next to his bed. He didn't want to waste paper until he had thought the problem through.

One thing was certain: he should answer the "Dear John" letter that Mary Jane sent. They had known each other since they were kids! He should say something to her, but what? After meeting Mady the cute waitress at the restaurant while he was trying to pass fake information and trying to get caught, he wasn't as mad at Mary Jane. He actually found out he didn't feel the same way about Mary Jane as he did when he was with her before the war. Maybe that's what Mary Jane found out with that air raid warden. She just found out before he did. Could Schultz be right about: "Women are like wars, there's always another one coming around?" Maybe he'd end up breaking up with Mady and there would be another woman along? Didn't anyone fall in love forever? Carter got up and wandered over to the card game in progress at the table in the middle of the barracks. Thinking about something else always seemed to help him when he had a problem to think through.

* * *

_Dear Mary Jane,_

_I received your letter and I have to tell you a story. It's about a deer and his friends in the forest. They all lived in a small clearing surrounded by a pack of wolves. There was a Papa Bear. . ._

Carter stopped. "Better cross that out. Too close to the real name," he bit his lip. This was harder than he thought.

_There was a big brown bear that looked after the group of friends. He was the smartest and made sure everyone got along and things were done. There was a fox that was also smart and the bear's right hand man. There was a weasel that was very good with his hands and a very tough rabbit who could cook real well. _

Carter frowned. He didn't think LeBeau would like being a rabbit.

"I guess when Louis has to write a story for his girlfriend, he can make me any animal he wants to." thought Carter.

_Now oddly enough, the pack of wolves was led by a bald eagle and his aide, a teddy bear. Not a bear like the big, brown bear, but a big, fat teddy bear. _

Carter nodded to himself, pleased that the story was taking shape. "Maybe I should put in something about Captain Gruber? Nah, it's best to keep these things simple," Carter thought.

_Now as I said, all these animals lived together in the forest in the clearing. One day, the deer got a letter from his girlfriend, a squirrel that lived in another forest, across a big body of water. She told the deer that she was engaged and was marrying a skunk who lived near her home. _

Carter made a face. Maybe skunk was a bit hard. Nope, the air raid warden would remain a skunk, what other fella would take the girl of a fella that's a prisoner of war, especially since they were almost engaged? A skunk that's what.

_Now this made the deer sad and mad: both emotions together. He went to the big bear, not the teddy bear, and asked if he could leave the clearing to go home to see his girl squirrel. Now I should tell you, but the deer and his friends were special animals and they had to ask permission to leave the clearing as they were in the forest to help a pride of lions that were fighting the pack of wolves in the forest. You see, they had a torch with a fake message in it and they had to deliver it to the wolves so they would think the lions were going to destroy the harbor town instead of the pig town. _

_The big bear didn't want him to leave, but the deer was determined. He felt all he had to do was to see his squirrel and talk to her and everything would be all right. _

Carter continued nodding to himself as he continued.

_The deer's friends were sorry to see him go home. The rabbit stopped the deer as he was washing his socks. The rabbit began talking of when they would be going back home after the fighting was through, and all the pretty girl animals the rabbit would introduce him to. The rabbit knew a lot of pretty girls! But, the deer only thought of would his girl squirrel approve of those girls?_

Louis knew quite a few pretty girls, Carter was sure, but also just as sure that just because a girl is pretty doesn't mean she's a nice girl.

_The weasel had asked the deer to play cards to talk about his leaving. Unfortunately, the deer was so upset he lost quite a few games to the weasel. In fact he ended up owing the weasel $105, 00! The deer promised to pay the weasel back $ 5 a month after he got home, no matter how long it took, but the weasel didn't look like he wanted to wait that long. He would have preferred the deer to stay so he could be sure of getting his money._

Carter slowly smiled at the remembrance. Newkirk really wasn't upset about the money. Especially since Carter had the feeling Newkirk was cheating. Carter didn't lose that often at cards. Now that he wasn't moping about Mary Jane, some things were becoming very clear.

_The bald eagle heard rumors that the deer wanted to escape so the bald eagle tried to stop the deer from leaving the forest! He had all the animals in the clearing line up and told them that if any of them tried to leave he would make sure there would be trouble for all the animals that were still in the clearing. Even though the deer had a hardship case, the eagle would punish everyone along with the deer if he escaped._

_Even the eagle's pretty blonde wren tried to stop the deer, but she didn't succeed._

_Finally the deer even talked to the teddy bear. The teddy bear was very upset about the deer wanting to leave "Women are like war," the teddy bear said. "There's always another coming along." _

_The teddy bear was worried about something else: the teddy bear's wife. They didn't always get along and after he married Mrs. Teddy Bear, I guess that's when he found out there were other teddy bear's out there that he liked better. But, the deer was determined and made the promise that he wouldn't leave the forest if the teddy bear was on duty so the teddy bear wouldn't get into trouble._

_But, the big brown bear seeing how determined the deer was, gave in and told the deer that he could go home. The deer was excited and started packing. _

Carter began absently chewing on the pencil. Here was a real difficulty. Explaining that there was a piece of misinformation that needed to be delivered.

_While the deer was packing, the big bear was explaining that he wanted the torch with the fake message delivered to the wolves in the forest. Did I say the big brown bear was smart? He was one of the smartest bears there was! One of the animals would pretend to escape, get caught and say they were given the torch by a passing dog. The fox weasel, and rabbit didn't want to go to the forest because it was dangerous. They also didn't want to end up in a cage for 30 days. The deer agreed with the big bear that his plan was a good one, so he volunteered. The fox, weasel, and rabbit were surprised. But, the deer made the big bear promise that when it was over, the deer could escape. The big brown bear agreed._

Carter smiled. Now this was getting to the good part: meeting Mady.

_The deer escaped with no problems and arrived at a ratskeller in town. There he met a wolf sitting at a table eating a sandwich. This wolf must have been more dog, because when the deer tried to give the wolf the torch, he didn't want it! The wolf was on his first leave in one and a half years and didn't want anything to go wrong. So, the deer went to another table with two other wolves and their girlfriends. The deer again tried to give the torch to the wolves, but they didn't believe he was a deer! They said he was a jackal! Then, two real jackals came in the door. The wolves told the jackals not to bother with the deer as he was really a jackal. The jackals went over to the deer and looked at his identity papers and smiled. They thought they were fake!_

_Dejected, the deer sat down at the table where the first wolf was. A pretty little ewe came by and asked the deer why he was upset and if she could help. The deer asked if she wanted to arrest him. "Why don't you go home and get some sleep and start over tomorrow," the ewe suggested. She then kissed him. Right on the cheek! The deer really felt good after that!_

"I'll say! Oh boy, did that ever cheer me up!" Carter thought. Carter's grin got wider until it threatened to split his face. He then cleared his throat and took a deep breath. Better get back to the letter. The smile still remained on his face.

_As he was leaving the jackals asked if he needed a ride. Since his talk with the ewe, the deer felt better and told the jackals they could drop him off at the clearing where he lived. You should have seen the look on the jackals' faces when they realized that the deer was really a deer and lived in the clearing guarded by wolves! As soon as they got to the clearing, the jackals asked to see the eagle. The eagle sent for the big bear._

_The jackals and the eagle were arguing about the deer being away from the clearing when the eagle said he had to go to be in a cage for 30 days. The deer then asked for his torch. The eagle said there was no smoking in the cage, but the jackal wanted to know why the deer wanted that torch. The big bear said it was just a keepsake, but the jackal looked at it closer. Then he found the fake message. He took the message with him and the deer ended up in a cage._

_He didn't stay in for thirty days, however. The big brown bear told the eagle he'd report that the deer was in the cage for thirty days to the Red Circle and they would in turn tell the jackals' home town. The eagle didn't want any bad news to go to the jackals' hometown, so he let the deer out early. _

_Once out, the deer quickly packed and got ready to leave the clearing. The big brown bear, the fox, the weasel, and the rabbit all thought he was going across the big water to go home, but he was going to see the cute ewe in town. As he told his friends, "Women are like wars; there's always another one coming around and the sooner you learn that, the happier you'll be!" _

_The deer then left and was able to see the ewe for a whole 24 hours._

Carter read over his letter. He shook his head as he crumbled it up and put it in the fire. He took out a Kriegie post card from his box and wrote:

_Dear Mary Jane,_

_I received your letter and am real glad for you. He sounds like a great guy._

_All my love,_

_Andrew._

Carter smiled. Keeping things simple was always the best. Besides, tonight he was going to see Mady again. If women were like wars, he hoped this one would last for a very long time and hoped they liked prisoners, because he didn't have any plans for escaping anytime soon.


End file.
